Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Something is Changing

Okay, so... I'm unsure how to put this, but there have been some HUGE changes I've made in the past couple days- dealing with almost everything in my life. And they're definitely changes for the better. I've become more involved in things I care about, partially thanks to Lexi (who, by the way, is actually cooler in real life than she is online, as hard as that is to believe), and partially thanks to me being more aware of what I really care about. I'm afraid though, I've started routines, I've lost a bit of my spontaneity that i enjoy so much- I actually have a set time to wake up for every day. So long waking up early MWF and late TTH, hello regular sleep cycles... I'm excited, but at the same time, I don't want to lose what has become such a part of me.

I've come back to reading a lot. A lot more than a lot, really, and just anything I can. I've bee reading bits of the Qur'an, the Book of Mormon and Doctrine and Covenenants in Arabic, anything I can find in Arabic, and I'm reading Hugh Nibley's biography by his son, On the Road by Jack Kerouac, Fight Club, and you get the idea, I'm readin a lot all the time. Right now, I've got Approaching Zion open and in between writing this, texting Iggy and reading that, I'm getting confused. But, I'm enjoying it because it doesn't feel like downtime. I like downtime when I plan it, when i'm craving it, but otherwise, I've got such a passion for doing things- anything- that downtime feels like waste. I'm scared that the downtime could be used to be making myself better and I want to be the absolute best.

I know why I've been changing too, it all boils down to one thing, maybe one person, that I can't describe adequately on this blog. I've changed from what I was a year ago, heck... I've been in this change since college started but it's really just come on strong this past week-ish.

Thanks for reading.

*Edit* This is my 50th post. Also, it's the longest, and best, blog I've kept. *Edit*


Lexi Khan said...

Aw, you're nice to me! Thank you for the compliment! It was so good to have you tonight--usually those meetings last forever. Making those ribbon things is kind of an ordeal (as now we all know).

I just had one comment about your assumed lack of spontaneity due to a more rigid schedule. Basically, I'm finding that as I pack more and more into my life, my life just gets even more spontaneous and crazy than it was. Back when I was taking 12 credits and not working and not doing anything, I was basically just boring. I never did anything. All I did was sit there. Seriously. And now that I'm taking 18 credits and working and doing this internship thing and getting involved with Parity and SID and SFA, I find that I'm doing all sorts of other cool things, too. Just because when you get involved with so much, you meet so many new people and are invited to so many more things. It's really exciting.

Plus--even if you do end up giving up your spontaneity, to a degree, isn't it worth it? I was kind of sad to realize that I had to give up so much of my free time to not fail my classes, but I think I'm happier than I've been in ages. O.o;; Anyway...

Kismet Keeper said...

She is pretty cool in real life, isn't she? ;)